Hi there, I’m Sarah, and you know what? I truly don’t want children. Startling? Perhaps. However, as I get closer to the age at which most of my acquaintances are smitten with newborns, I find myself sitting here more interested in brunch schedules than in baby names. Being a parent? Not in my script, and that’s perfectly acceptable!
Saying “no” to kids is totally natural, according to knowledgeable therapists—with whom I tend to agree. You are you, my dear. The phrase “if your gut is screaming ‘no’ even when society is chanting ‘yes,’ do yourself a favor and listen” is effectively articulated by relationship and sex therapist Rachel Zar, AMFT. The key to living an authentic life is having open and sincere discussions with loved ones and oneself.
1. It’s not exciting to consider sacrificing everything for someone else. “If having your life turned upside down for another person does not feel worth it, [parenthood] may not be for you,” says Nicole Richardson, LPC, in a smart observation. If you’re in the prime of your life, enjoying a fulfilling work and relationships, and the mere idea of upending your current circumstances for a child makes you break out in hives, it’s a warning flag. You don’t include kids in your calculations, and that’s okay.
2. Your world is ruled by other priorities Have aspirations of traveling the world, establishing a successful profession, or just spending time with your significant other? You are encouraged to accept these priorities by Liz Higgins, MS, LMFT: “Know that it’s okay if you feel drawn to direct your life’s energy in other directions.” Have faith in yourself, and don’t allow other people’s opinions to affect you. Your life, according to your rules.
3. Parenthood does not determine fulfillment Higgins further emphasizes, “If you know deep down that having children is not necessary to feel fulfilled in life, then resist the urge to give in to pressure from friends or family.” A fulfilling work, travel, investing in a partner, or pursuing passions are just a few ways to find fulfillment in life. Own your truth because no one knows you like you do.
So, my dear reader, keep in mind that your decision does not define your value, whether you choose to have children or not. Maybe it’s your partner, your trips, or your career that bring you delight; for me, it’s writing. There’s no haste, no wrong turn; simply follow your intuition and make the most out of life!
